plz talk dirty to me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
