his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
