My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
