She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
