At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize