There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
