I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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