she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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