She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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