so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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