Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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