I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
