Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i dont even know how to be here
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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