Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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