I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
