my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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