I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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