I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
