So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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