i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You made out with two different species that night
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
