after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
