i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
