From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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