On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
