okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
