If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.