My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The best revenge is premature balding
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My dick has a subreddit
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?