Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
