Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
