I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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