Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
