peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
