Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
50% drunk capacity currently
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
