Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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