I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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