i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
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He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
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he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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