Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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