I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
