I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
