wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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