I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
