You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize