just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
