with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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