I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
