Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Text me some of your sweat
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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