Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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