she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
