dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
