I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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