No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This baby is an asshole
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
