i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
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I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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