drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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