Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
