the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
