i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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