remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The power of my boobs compel you
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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